Being a banana is not easy

My mom doesn’t understand how come my brother somehow stayed Chinese and I’ve become a banana. We are only one year apart.
But there is hope. I just had some rice tonight. The last time i ate some rice was in the beginning of July … or maybe I should say ‘I tried some’.

I realize more and more the gap between the 1st and 2nd generation Chinese. There is a clash of mentality. The parents are deeply influenced by Confucius' value system where community is the key concept. With this come the responsibilities and duties of conforming to the group and honoring it.
In Chinese, the family name comes first, showing how belonging to a collectivity outweighs far more the person as an individual. It is funny how we don’t know our grandparents’ name. They are referred as the grandpa or grandma of so and so (well, maybe this has more to do with the importance of the male gender thing).

In the Western culture, the emphasis is on my person, my rights, my life and my desires (the “me, myself and I” thing).

The way of parenting is very different too. Western parents slowly let go of their children and let them fly from their own wings by giving them increasing freedom and independence. With the Chinese parents, we remain children as long as we are not married. And we feel much more pressure for getting a good education (the 4 professions that are allowed: doctor, lawyer, businessman or engineer), or for marrying the right person.

Here is a small summary:

Asian Value: Situation Centered
Western Value: Individual Centered

Asian Value: Collectivity - group identity, achievement of goals set by others, obligation to group
Western Value: Individualism - autonomy, achievement of individual goals, trained to be individuals

Asian Value: Duty & Obligation - relational responsibility, duty to others, motivation based on obligation
Western Value: Rights & Privileges - responsible to self, personal rights, motivation based on feelings

Asian value: Hierarchy - submissive to authority, emphasis on positions in relationships, accepts rules and propriety
Western Value: Equality - dislike for rules and control, play down superiority/inferiority, questions authority

Asian value: Deference - passitivity and yieldedness, adherence to social politeness, emphasis on self effacement
Western Value: Self-Assertion - aggressive and expressive, assertive, open ans accessible to others

By John Ng “Cultural Pluralism & Ministry Models in the Chinese Community”, 1985

I am a Chinese/French/Canadian mix. Sometimes, I wonder what good can come out of me. But God loves me the way I am. That’s what matters. :-) And he asks me to love and honor my parents.
A friend told me once that I was lucky because i could choose between 3 cultures and take the best of each ...